Texts From Last Night
by The Old Circle Jerk
Summary: "I already knew she had a crush on you anyway, she's always going on about how fancy your hair is." "She thinks it's fancy?" / Or, Jade gives Beck's dad a 'Father's Day present', Beck throws a hissy fit and Andre just wants his damn sandwich.


Texts From Last Night;

_I already knew she had a crush on you anyway, she's always going on about how fancy your hair is." "She thinks it's_ fancy_?"_

one; (862): Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip. **Beck/Jade**

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><p>"You made out with my <em>dad?<em>" Beck asked, aghast.

"It was Father's Day, and I had no money to buy him a present," Jade shrugged dismissively, "Now can we turn off Full House? D.J and Stephanie are giving me a headache."

"He's not _your _father!" Beck spluttered, "And no, we cannot. They are _quality characters_."

"Uh yeah, no shit he's not my father. That would've been weird."

"_That _would've been weird? No, _weird _would be you buying him a sweater for Father's Day. _Weird _would be you plotting to kill Mr. Fishy. There should be an entire new word just for what you making out with my dad is."

"Plus, you totally fucked my sister, so let's just call it even." Jade shrugged, flipping through Beck's Playboy. "Nice tits," she acknowledged.

"I did not fuck your sister!" Beck exclaimed indignantly.

"So she had a dream you did, what's the big difference? I already knew she had a crush on you anyway, she's always going on about how fancy your hair is." Jade dismissed with a wave of her hand.

"She thinks it's _fancy_?" Beck almost squealed, stroking his hair appreciatively. "But that's not the point. She's _twelve, _Jade, she shouldn't be having _sex dreams_."

"You do realize she's related to _me._" Jade pointed out, flinging the Playboy across the room.

"Yes, but... what exactly went down in your childhood? I mean clearly you have some sort of deep-set psychological issues if you want to make out with my father and you know, assassinate my fish. And now your 12 year old sister wants to get on this. Shouldn't she be fantasising about Justin Bieber or something?"

"Don't you worry your fancy little head. Now go make me a sandwich, Andre's coming over to play Black Ops in like 10 minutes and I need full strength." Jade ordered, pointing towards the door.

"... Okay."

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><p>"Can't I come on the couch with you guys?" Beck complained from the kitchen, after being banished there because "you suck more than I suck your dick" (in Jade's words) and "I want a damn sandwich," (in Andre's).<p>

"Quit whining, you know you're no good at this game," Jade snapped, furiously pressing a number of buttons on her console.

"But I _could _be," Beck whined, "If you let me have a turn!"

"Dude, you're more of a girl than I am and I sucked your cock _yesterday_," Jade retorted.

"Wow, thanks for sharing that, guys," Andre wrinkled his nose.

"I can suck yours too if you want," Jade shrugged, pausing the game.

"GUYS, I'M RIGHT HERE." Beck exclaimed, wiping mustard off his face.

"Yeah, yeah, we can have a threesome later. Sandwiches stat, Oliver."

"You know, you made out with my dad, so _you _should really be doing _me _favours."

"Not really. I mean, your dad is a much better kisser than you, so you're actually quite lucky I didn't go all John Foster on your ass and then, whilst _wallowing _in my state of misery and self-pity, wander into your father's comforting, loving arms. Even though our children would be blindingly albino, it would still be a love story for the ages, guys."

"Wait. If you married Beck's dad, could I be the best man?" Andre asked seriously.

"You could."

"I'll go get the baseball bat."

"You guys are so messed up!" Beck whined from the kitchen, throwing his apron to the floor in frustration.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'm sure you'll become a better kisser in time," Jade reassured, unpausing the game.

"I'm going to go watch Full House," Beck huffed, storming into the other room.

As Jade and Andre continued their Black Ops battle, all they could hear from the other room was Beck's cries of, "OH COME ON, AARON. _STOP PINCHING MICHELLE. _UGH, YOU'RE SO IMMATURE."

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><p><strong>idk in my mind beck is really feminine, so.<strong>

**alsoooo this is for brea, i hope it lived up to your expectations ;) **

**i'm marking this as complete, but i probably will update it from time to time if i see any other TFLN that would go well with a pairing from Victorious (or if some of them are just so fucking hilarious i have to make them in to Sinjin or Robbie fics)**

**please review with more than "omg i liked it" "funny" "dis sucks" "who's john foster?"**


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